The Impossible Music Dictionary (humor)
Posted: 02 Aug 2011 04:27
THE IMPOSSIBLE MUSIC DICTIONARY
Accordion - A small portable, heart-rending instrument reminding one of a taffy pull.
Ad libitum - A license to commit any musical crime.
Accelerando - The particular spot in any composition where the fingers get locomotor ataxia.
Accompaniment - The chief annoyance to the Prima Donna.
Andante - The name applied by music teachers to the collection of bills.
Arpeggios - The climax in the pupils' recital.
Basso profundo - The voice reserved for villains and high priests in grand opera.
Bassoon - The accomplice of the English horn in any operatic outbreak-exceedingly hard to capture or suppress.
Baton - The sceptre of the conductor - usually an illusion.
Concerto - A pitched battle between any instrument and any orchestra. Orchestra usually triumphs over the soloist.
Diaphragm - Where the whole trouble began.
Encore - The penalty of popularity.
Figured Bass - Musical arithmetic.
Fine - A term of relief of great importance to players and audience as well.
Fugue - The indoor sport of Johan Sebastian Bach.
Glissando - Tobagganning on the keyboard.
Legato - The daily prayer of all music teachers.
Melody - X in the musical algebra of the Futurist.
Madrigal - Why the glee club broke down.
Obligato - The accomplice in any vocal misdemeanor.
Pedal - The hectic camouflage of bad playing.
Register - The mirage of the vocal teacher.
Serenade - A night song-usually sung under a window and accompanied with an obligato of bric-a-brac.
Secondo - The helpless part in a duet.
Tutti - Free for all.
Tremolo - A disease, particularly dangerous to tenors and sopranos.
(Etude, Aug. 18, 1936)
Accordion - A small portable, heart-rending instrument reminding one of a taffy pull.
Ad libitum - A license to commit any musical crime.
Accelerando - The particular spot in any composition where the fingers get locomotor ataxia.
Accompaniment - The chief annoyance to the Prima Donna.
Andante - The name applied by music teachers to the collection of bills.
Arpeggios - The climax in the pupils' recital.
Basso profundo - The voice reserved for villains and high priests in grand opera.
Bassoon - The accomplice of the English horn in any operatic outbreak-exceedingly hard to capture or suppress.
Baton - The sceptre of the conductor - usually an illusion.
Concerto - A pitched battle between any instrument and any orchestra. Orchestra usually triumphs over the soloist.
Diaphragm - Where the whole trouble began.
Encore - The penalty of popularity.
Figured Bass - Musical arithmetic.
Fine - A term of relief of great importance to players and audience as well.
Fugue - The indoor sport of Johan Sebastian Bach.
Glissando - Tobagganning on the keyboard.
Legato - The daily prayer of all music teachers.
Melody - X in the musical algebra of the Futurist.
Madrigal - Why the glee club broke down.
Obligato - The accomplice in any vocal misdemeanor.
Pedal - The hectic camouflage of bad playing.
Register - The mirage of the vocal teacher.
Serenade - A night song-usually sung under a window and accompanied with an obligato of bric-a-brac.
Secondo - The helpless part in a duet.
Tutti - Free for all.
Tremolo - A disease, particularly dangerous to tenors and sopranos.
(Etude, Aug. 18, 1936)
